“I don’t think you like me.” Just after sitting down, visitor A said this. The counselor asked suspiciously: “How do you feel it?” A became alert and looked angry: “Forget it. I know you won’t admit it.” The atmosphere was a little tense.
“I’m sorry I made you feel disliked. I’m curious what makes you feel this way?” The counselor continued to ask A’s feelings. “I don’t know, but when I look at my eyes, I feel like you are looking at a pile of garbage.” A lowered his head for a few seconds and gave the answer carefully.
The consultant was not surprised, maintaining a calm and natural tone, “I’m sorry to make you feel so bad. Can I ask, are you familiar with this feeling?”
“Of course I am familiar with it. In the past few years, I feel rejected every day.” Speaking of the feeling of being annoying, A opened the conversation box, from the boyfriend who broke up half a year ago, to the class teacher in middle school, the same table in elementary school … … Finally speaking of parents who ca n’t hide from these more than two decades. It seems that in the world of A, no one likes her.
Her story shocked the consultant, and at the same time, another voice came from the consultant’s mind: the stories she told were not necessarily the truth, just like she just saw me and thought I did n’t like her-it ’s not fact.
Sometimes, the “subjective facts” inside people are not consistent with the “external facts” that happen objectively. Because “subjective facts” do not always depend on what is happening now, but are often influenced by what happened in the past. The so-called “I was bitten by a snake for ten years and I was afraid of the well rope”. A feeling of abandonment that felt a strong shock may bring vigilance to everyone around me-worrying that disgusting eyes will strike at any time.
Therefore, the annoying and rejected experiences in life are accurately captured, and those moments that are not rejected or rejected are ignored one by one.
Psychologist Peter Fonagi has put forward an important concept called “mentalization”. The so-called “mentalization” refers to how people understand the inner world of themselves and others. In other words, “mentalization” is actually a model for “psychological process”: the human “psychological process” is invisible, we only see the behavior of others, and infer the other party’s motives, emotions, and needs accordingly. And desire to wait for the inner world.
How to infer the heart of others through external behavior? Everyone has their own set of models. When a person’s mental level is low, it is often said that his model always “distorts” others’ intentions. Just as A just walked into the consultation room, he inferred that the consultant did not like him.
How we understand others and understand ourselves through others is the core of our mental ability.
Can this ability be changed if this ability is weakened? Nor is it true, as Peter Funaghi said: “When you feel lonely, adversity becomes trauma. If you have good relationships, they will actually help you digest and absorb this experience.” So, really The healing is actually in the relationship. A good interpersonal relationship can help a person improve their mental ability.
Some people in pain often complain: “The world is full of malice to me!” But in fact “the world is unintentional.”
In the UK under the new crown epidemic, most residents responded to the government’s call to stay behind closed doors, but volunteers related to the fight against the epidemic were even busier. Participating in volunteer activities is an important tradition of the British and an important basis for the mainstream society to score personal values. It is incredible that a person has not participated in volunteer activities in his resume. A large number of volunteers have become important forces and played a great role in the fight against the epidemic in Britain.
The British public medical system has attracted 500,000 volunteers at once, some of them are retired medical staff, and some are medical school students and medical professionals. Many people are celebrities, and the conservative congressman Cliff Lauder, who represents the East Sussex constituency in England, and the opposition Labour MP, Alling Khan, who represents the Tuting constituency in southern London, are now volunteering in the hospital to “return to old professions “.
In addition to medical staff, volunteers from all walks of life are helping. Rob Vidal is an illustrator recommended to the society this year when Britain celebrates World Book Day. Now that the epidemic has struck, the painter provides free drawing lessons for children to the outside world through the Internet, teaching children to draw characters they are familiar with. Although the City of London is closed for business, some locals engaged in big data analysis have used their professional skills to help their neighborhoods as volunteers. My neighbor, Eric, used big data analysis to tell local community residents which supermarkets to buy the fastest for their life during the epidemic. They also do n’t need to spend much time driving and avoid getting together.
In mid-January, the local community elementary school in London where the author is located arranged an activity for students to understand the history and culture of the town, and the author became a volunteer interpreter. In February, the British epidemic spread rapidly, but the volunteer activities that I participated in were not cancelled. Volunteer Qiong worked as a head nurse in a local hospital before retiring. She realized that 120 students listened to the lecture together and needed to prepare cleaning supplies. Most British people are reluctant to wear masks, thinking that they only need to be worn when they become a source of infection. On the purchase list listed by Joan, the first article is a disposable sanitizer. This also allowed me to experience the grassroots work of participating in national epidemic prevention in the UK. Starting in February, the hand sanitizer has become a rarity. Everyone in the supermarket is limited to one bottle. There are more than ten volunteers. Everyone bought it separately for two days. Finally, I bought enough hand soap. In the end, although the explanation did not take place, it also allowed the author to personally feel how the ordinary people in the UK are selflessly devoting themselves as volunteers.
The most concerned team of volunteers right now is the volunteers recruited by Oxford University to try the new coronavirus vaccine. Oxford University requires healthy people between the ages of 18 and 55 to participate in the trial. The vaccine test period is 6 months to help researchers evaluate whether the new vaccine can protect healthy people from new coronavirus infections.
In the UK, there are volunteer organizations in all walks of life. If you are engaged in industries such as law, accounting, sales, management, and teaching, you can log on to the website of the organization REACHSKILLS and apply for a volunteer job. This organization is committed to helping young people and marginalized people and helping them Broaden your horizons and learn work skills. VolunteeringMatters is the largest voluntary agency in the UK, offering full-time, part-time and one-time volunteer activities. In addition to issuing volunteer opportunities for major companies, Volunteer⁃ingMatters also provides help to marginalized groups and families, such as helping young people learn life skills, accompany the elderly, and care for people with inconvenience. BatterseaDogs & CatsHome is the oldest and most well-known cat and dog rescue center in London. It needs volunteers to help them complete their daily work, such as representatives attending meetings, taking tourists to visit the rescue center, and raising donations. If you like small animals, you can apply for care of cats and dogs.