She has amnesia selectively.
Since making her notes, she has lived in this rural yard for a long time alone. A small house is used as a bedroom, a small house is used as a kitchen, and a small house seems to be idle with debris inside. As for what was put in the room, she did not think much or ask much. She went to work in the elementary school in the village during the day and came back to cook herself at night. She ate quietly and ate meals, prepared lessons after eating, quietly read books and went to bed. Such monotonous days are repeated day after day.
She doesn’t keep cats or dogs. She likes to play with flowers and plants. In the yard, there are four seasons. Even if they forgot to water for a few weeks, they surprisingly flourished. The leaves of the plant are crisp green, the flowers are bright and bright, there are red rhododendron, and pink oleander, and also grow roses, phalaenopsis, rose. She has a soft spot for roses. Every time it blooms, she always spends an afternoon picking some roses, cutting off the thorns on the roses, inserting the roses in the clear water, and waiting quietly for the half-open roses to bloom. Whenever she saw the petals of the rose blooming gently, she smiled with her lips pursed.
She wears plain clothes and always wears outdated clothes, sackcloth, cotton, and really good, all in plain fabric series. She never dresses up, wears cloth shoes, does not apply grease or powder, or does her hair. Her hair was black and bright, and she was free to put it on the back of her head. She clipped the textbook and went to class. The young people in the village have basically gone out to work, and there are not many children and old people. No one asked where she came from. Because of her ordinary appearance, almost no one noticed her.
To be precise, to her, time seemed to be still. She didn’t remember something, but she couldn’t really remember what she forgot. One day, she combed her hair in the mirror, and suddenly found herself with a pair of apricot eyes, clear eyes, and a few more wrinkles on her temples. She groaned in her heart: How old is this year, and she vigorously recalls it seems to be 33 or 4? Still forty years old, she couldn’t remember it, which made her a little annoyed. Sometimes in the afternoon on the weekend, there will be students in the class who come to her yard to ask her to tutor homework, or help her get some water, so that the yard will be more lively, but at this time, her face is always smiling, A pair of apricots looked radiantly.
Student Li Xiaolan is a study member in the class. She always runs to her house and likes to do some things for her, such as watering flowers, cleaning the yard, and bringing some delicious food from her own home. Mr. Wang is very affectionate.
One day, she was sitting on a stool in a daze and saw that Li Xiaolan was weeding the flower garden diligently. She called out “Li Xiaolan, you come.” Li Xiaolan saw the teacher calling her, turned her head, put down the shovel in her hand, she patted The trousers on the trousers walked away.
She paused and pulled Li Xiaolan to her side with a serious expression, examining her.
“Li Xiaolan, to tell you the truth, why do you always run to my house and still work for me?”
Li Xiaolan was obviously frightened and a little difficult. “Teacher, my parents are out to work, only you care about me the most, so I want to do something for you …” She lowered her head and blushed.
“And what? Why don’t you go out and play with other kids on the weekend?” She suspiciously.
Li Xiaolan was suddenly silent. The air instantly froze, and behind that silence seemed to be hiding a huge black hole that could not be seen clearly.
“Why don’t you talk, say.” She was more curious and wanted to dig harder.
“Teacher, I … I dare not say that.” Her head was lowered.
“Well, the teacher won’t blame you.” Looking at the little girl’s embarrassment, her heart softened.
“Grandma said, the teacher is a good person, the teacher’s man left, and living alone is very pitiful, let me accompany the teacher more.”
She suddenly had tinnitus, what? I have also been married, there was a man? Outside, thunder rolled.
She sent Li Xiaolan in a hurry, and her heart was irritable. She tried to search for the traces left by men in all corners of the house. After spending most of the night, she did not find any evidence left by men. I only found a few cheongsams that I customized a few years ago, and they were pressed into the cabinet and never passed through.
Nonsense, absolutely they are nonsense, where did I get married.
A few years ago, there were indeed enthusiastic people who introduced her to her. The first thing she introduced was a teacher of similar age in the neighboring village school, named Jiang. He is sturdy, one meter tall, and has long and narrow eyes. He smiled when he saw everyone. When he saw her for the first time, he narrowed his eyes and praised her bluntly. Teacher Wang is really young and beautiful. She was stunned, with a height of 168cm, looking down at the man, smiling politely, Teacher Jiang, how are you? He blushed and rubbed his hands restlessly.
One Friday evening, she was the last to leave the school and was about to lock the school gate. She was suddenly embraced by a pair of thick arms. She screamed in fright and looked back. It was Teacher Jiang who was smiling all over.
She snapped: “Let me go! Otherwise, I will shout.” He shuddered and stammered, “Teacher Wang, I’m rare.” She sneered and locked the school gate, but she didn’t even see it. Glancing at him, striding meteor away like a plague. The poor little man was thrown messy behind her. The first blind date is gone.
The second is a divorced forty-year-old cadre in a nearby commune. His hair is combed into his back, his brain door, yellow teeth, and big belly. He always has a fake smile on his face. The smile is like Always be ready to squeeze out. It’s just a mouthful, it’s amazing.
When he first got along, he invited her to dinner, and he was outspoken, Xiao Wang, you are good, but this character is too deserted to say a word. Me, I do n’t have any requirements for you, just have a child, go to junior high school, I hope you can cook for him, wash and do something, woman …
After meeting several times, he ran quite diligently and occasionally brought her some food.
That evening, he was drunk and rushed into her yard. As soon as I came in, ah ah, Xiao Wang, I haven’t seen you for a few days, but I want to die you. He put his big fat hand on her waist.
She was frightened and dodged, but he chased where she ran. But he was caught by him later, and he wrapped his arm around the thin woman, “How is it, Xiao Wang, how about being my woman tonight?” She struggled, she broke free with one hand and gave him a backhand Slap, “Smelly man, let you touch me.” She was irritated and trembling.
His wine strength might have been awakened by a slap. “Smelly bitch, dare to beat me, pretend to be high, not just a second-hand goods that no one wants.” A long stick, a stick towards the man’s back, blasted the man out of the gate.
The next day, the village heard that Mr. Wang had beaten the cadres of the office. I heard that the man who had been beaten did not get out of bed for a few days. “Uhhhhhhh, this woman is terrible, but don’t dare to provoke her.” “Aunt Wang, I don’t think you should introduce her to her in the future. She has a nerve problem.”
After many blind dates failed, she no longer has the intention to get married, work and live quietly alone, and don’t care how people in the village evaluate her.
But why does Li Xiaolan say that she is married? What were the things she couldn’t remember before, she couldn’t remember it, just like the deleted file, her brain was blank. When she was a child, she was held in this village and raised by her aunt and uncle. From birth, she did not know who her biological parents were. A few years ago, her aunt and uncle went to live with her son in the south, but she stayed in this village to teach. That’s all she can think of.
The memory in the middle, no matter what she thought, could not remember.
That night Li Xiaolan was sent away, she was insomnia. She heard people say that she was adopted. The only childhood clip I can think of was when I came home from school one day when he saw his brother eating his ribs. At that time, he only ate meat for the Chinese New Year. She was so greedy that she wanted to eat too. The younger brother ate a mouthful of oil, ran away with ribs, and said to her, this was the mother who saw her going to the town to take an exam, and secretly made it for him. She turned around and burst into tears, but still pretended to know nothing, but no one knew why she never ate ribs again.
In her youth in college, in order not to ask for living expenses at home, she went to the restaurant to take the dishes during the summer vacation. Once, she slipped under the feet, broke the plate, and was slapped by the foreman on the spot, her face became swollen immediately, but she still Hold back the tears without saying a word. The suffering of life has long taught her to be strong and tolerant.
Later, when she bought the first pair of high-heeled shoes in her life while holding the crumpled RMB, she said, Wang Huiwen, you look like a clown in high-heeled shoes. That night, she burst into tears. Since then, she gave up herself, threw high-heeled shoes, and put on sportswear and sneakers again. Can’t afford cosmetics, apply the cheapest Yumeijing. She has no friends, and never goes out shopping with her classmates, traveling alone, like a solitary ghost, carrying a schoolbag, wandering on the university campus, instinctively avoiding the people around her, inferiority and sensitivity.
What happened later, she didn’t remember it at all, and came to this village to teach after graduating from college.
Yes, she collected all the things that happened from small to large, and it is certain that she has never been married. Her brain was numb and dull, as if she was dormant for certain periods of time. She could not remember whether she had ever loved or not, and forgot how it felt. Why do people have to get married, she often asks herself.
She seemed to be in a deep dream, walking in the fog, desperately looking for someone, but she didn’t remember his name. Suddenly, she was catching the train again, but she didn’t catch up, sweating anxiously and running desperately.
“Wang Huiwen, you wake up.” Someone was calling her name. The man seemed familiar and very kind, important and important, but she still couldn’t remember his name.
After waking up, she found tears in her face with her hand on her heart. Who is that forgotten person? Who is the person who called her to wake up in a dream?
The next day, go to work as usual. She searched the school drawers again, and there was still no clue. After class, she turned over all the books on the shelf again. An old “Shakespeare Collection” fell down. She opened the book and there was a photo in it. A handsome young man in the photo with a big eyebrow Eyes, tall, wearing a short-sleeved shirt, arms folded, looked at her tenderly and smiled. This person seems familiar. The back of the photo is awesomely written: To my dear.
She held her breath and trembling her hands to open the book, with the same handwriting on the title page of the book:
“If you remember, you forget
I will no longer remember.
If you forget, you remember
How close I am to forgetting.
If acacia is entertainment,
And mourning is joy,
How cheerful those fingers are, today,
Pick these. ”
Intuitively, she felt that this person was unusual, but she still couldn’t remember his name. She felt like she was going crazy, excited and helpless.
Who is he, oh, who is he? Was it her former lover or her husband? She covered her face with one hand and thumped her head desperately with her other hand, tears bursting out of her eyes. It’s a pity that no matter how hard she thinks about it, she still can’t pull that person out of the swamp of memory. He was like a ghost lurking in the depths of memory, but mysterious temptations were nowhere to be followed.
After school, she hurried away with a book in her hand. After returning home, he turned all the books in the family upside down, but still did not find any clues about the man.
She felt like she was about to collapse. Who am I, why there is no friend around me, who is that man, have I ever been married? At this moment, she was so sober, and questions that had not been thought of in the past years emerged one by one in the night, constantly torturing her.
In the middle of the night, she started to have a fever. She talked nonsense and got up to pace the room.
The next day, she did not get up. On the third day, she hadn’t gotten up, curled up in the corner of the bed, wrapped herself in thick cotton, confused, not eating or drinking.
At noon, Li Xiaolan came, she pushed open the door of her bedroom and screamed.
She drew the curtains, wrapped her thick quilt in the dark, shrunk to the corner of the bed, her hair covered her face like a hay, motionless, like a zombie who had died for many years.
“Teacher, teacher.” Li Xiaolan called out anxiously. For a long time, there was no response, there seemed to be a time and space between them. The air is damp and dark enough to overflow the silence of water.
Li Xiaolan walked over and shook her hand, which was very hot. She ran quickly to open the curtains, quickly hit the cold water, soaked the towel in the cold water, pulled her long straw-like hair, and put it on the hot forehead.
Li Xiaolan’s tears suddenly fell down. She churned in the drawer, found some pills, and took water to feed the teacher.
I don’t know how long after that, a wind blew on her face and she woke up. Hearing the crackling cooking outside, she knew that Li Xiaolan was coming. She struggled to get up and walked out of the room. Li Xiaolan was sweating and working on the stove.
She called Xiaolan weakly. Li Xiaolan saw the teacher got up, rubbed her eyes, ran over with tears and hugged her. Teacher, you are awake.
On this day, the teachers and students ate together.
Li Xiaolan said that the villagers said that Mr. Wang was a high-level student in a prestigious university in the province, and returned to Xiaoshan Village to teach after graduation. Teacher Wang ’s husband is called Zhang Zetian, but he is missing for unknown reasons. So, Teacher Wang had a sickness. After he got sick, Teacher Wang was a little silly, epilepsy, and forgot some things. No one dared to mention this matter because of fear of Teacher Wang getting sick.
“Zhang Zetian!” It turned out that his name was Zhang Zetian. If she was really married, why did she really have no impression at all, her memory was completely blank.
“Oh, the teacher really can’t remember it.” She seemed to be eating, and responded to Li Xiaolan lazily.
She suddenly remembered something like that, took Li Xiaolan into the house, picked up the photo in the book, and asked Li Xiaolan, was this person?
Li Xiaolan shook his head, teacher, since I remember, the teacher has been alone. She sighed helplessly. Yeah, what can such a small child know?
She suddenly remembered something like that, she picked up Li Xiaolan, said anxiously, and went, to find your grandma!
When I arrived at the door of Li Xiaolan’s house, I met Aunt Li head-on. Wang Huiwen was also straightforward and explained his intentions. Aunt Li’s face suddenly changed and she dodged, saying that she was going to pull the pigweed on the mountain and hurried away. When she left, she gave her a pityful look: Child, let’s find someone to marry.
No, there are absolutely unspeakable secrets inside, and she is even more troubled. The mysterious black hole lingering in my heart for many days kept calling her.
That night, she gathered courage and found the old principal’s house. The questions that she didn’t want to touch, avoided, and the questions that had been curious still came out of her mouth one after another. The secret hidden in the darkness is anxiously waiting for the day to be seen again.
The old headmaster ordered a dry smoke, hesitated, but said something, I don’t remember. She looked at the old principal pitifully and kept begging. The old headmaster sighed, and turned out some thick old notebooks from the box, and handed some letters to her, glancing at her deeply.
In that year, she graduated from college and taught in the village primary school. She met Zhang Zetian who came from Beijing to teach. He is elegant and humorous, and he is a handsome guy with fair skin, tall, and wearing glasses. , Fascinated by several young female teachers in school. When she saw him, she blushed badly, her heart pounding. She peeked at him to play basketball, and watched him correctively. Whenever she saw a female student running to his dormitory, or watching him joking with a female teacher, she was madly jealous. Even more frightening is that she feels unable to breathe as long as she passes by him.
Like a rose blooming quietly in the dark night, she loved him madly, and he had no way of knowing. When he saw her, he smiled politely, Teacher Xiaowen. “Teacher Xiaowen!” Her face was red again, everyone else called her teacher Wang, and only he called her teacher Xiaowen. What a gentle and elegant name, she was excited in silence. She blushed and glanced up at him, but he didn’t expect him to step forward to touch her head, laughing, Teacher Xiaowen, you are really interesting!
On a weekend evening, she finished her homework, just walked to the school gate, and suddenly a thunderstorm started. She ran back to school in embarrassment, sighed, and hid under the roof to avoid rain. The other teachers far away from the school were gone, and she saw the light of his dorm lit up, like a lighthouse on a stormy sea, mysteriously shining light.
Ghostly miserable, she walked over and knocked on the door of his dormitory. The door opened, and he saw her wet hair obviously froze for a moment. She said timidly that it was raining. He looked at her, and this time she dared to meet his gaze and blushed again. He pulled her over and handed her a dry towel. She hesitated and stood awkwardly without answering. He smiled as if he were a little girl. She helped her wipe her wet hair as she spoke, and she did not dodge, but lowered her head in silence. At this moment, it seems that happiness is unreal.
Suddenly, his hand stopped, she heard him say in her ear, “Mr. Xiaowen, your clothes are also wet …” She looked up and saw his eyes confused. She suddenly wanted to say something, but she felt her heart jump. When she realized that he had kissed her lips and reached into her clothes. She forgot to rebel and burst into tears, as if waiting for this moment has been waiting too long. That night, she was like a rose, petals blooming in his arms, they hugged each other. She forgot the time.
They became a pair of fairy couples envyed by everyone in the village primary school. During the day, he read poems for her, or brought a bunch of red roses into her dormitory and called her intimately.
It has always been a long time for flowers to bloom, and half a year later, his days of teaching will soon come to an end, and he will return to Beijing to develop.
“Come with me, Wen.” He said.
“I can’t go, this is my home.”
“You know I can’t stay here all my life.”
“But do you have the heart to leave these children?”
She cried endlessly.
One morning, she got up and vomited more than once, feeling weak. He helped her weak to take the bus to the town hospital to see a doctor, the doctor told her that she was happy. She burst into ecstasy, but when she looked up, she was silent and her eyebrows closed. She lowered her head and tears began to fall again.
She didn’t remember if they had held a wedding, just remember that when she woke up one morning, he was no longer around and disappeared for a month. She looked at him madly, and no one knew where he was. He left nothing for her when he left, and disappeared out of thin air like water vapor. She was crazy, took his picture, walked dozens of miles of mountain road, and asked everyone on the road if they had seen a man named Zhang Zetian.
Later, she lived alone in that yard for a long time and lost her memory.
The night she left the old principal’s house, she couldn’t remember how she walked home. After crying all night, every corner of the heart was in pain.
On the second day, she locked the gate and took the long-distance train to Beijing. According to the clues provided by the notebook, she went to Beijing.
In the end, she found a housing management bureau in Beijing. The man was carrying a shelf, slowly checking the information, and not forgetting to give her a meaningful look. He is my relative, she is neither humble nor overbearing. An hour later, he gave her a document, Zhang Zetian, and found no one.
“Wang Huiwen, wake up quickly, now wake up and open your eyes.” Who is calling her. But she couldn’t open her eyes. The voice was so familiar and familiar, the shadow of a man flashed in front of her like a silent film. Who is that person, can’t remember his name, a very important person.
Until one morning, when the sun shone into the room, she opened her eyes, hung a needle in her hand, and was lying on the hospital bed.
A middle-aged doctor in a white coat appeared in front of her. She asked softly, “Are you?”
“I’m your attending doctor. You’ve been in a coma for almost 20 hours.” He said nothing in his notebook without looking up. She noticed that his work name hung on his chest was abruptly written with his name: Zhang Zetian.
In an instant, her tears began to burst again, falling one by one.
“Oh, I just had a dream.” She said weakly.