Psychologists believe that suppressed anger often has more complex emotions and expectations. Perhaps it is to point the anger to the inside and form depression; perhaps it is to sacrifice self but want to occupy the arrogance of moral commanding heights.
In fact, expressing anger is not terrible. I am afraid that I will not notice anger in myself. We need to be self-aware of anger and allow it to vent like other emotions. Because no emotion can be suppressed, all suppressed emotions will eventually make a comeback. So, in daily life, how to reasonably express your dissatisfaction?
More needed when angry
Express one’s demands rationally
If anger is not properly expressed, it is easy to embarrass yourself and others, and the consequences are very bad. So, how can it be more effective when expressed in anger?
“Speak emotions” instead of “do emotions”. “Being emotional” means throwing things and saying “I’m not going to do it anymore”! “Speaking of emotions” is about telling your feelings based on facts. For example, one of my colleagues has a strong sense of time, but another colleague is often late for meetings. At a regular meeting, the colleague was late again. A colleague with a strong sense of time chose to express his dissatisfaction. He said: “You are often late and make me feel that I am not valued, which makes me not very happy. Hope you can respect my time , Please be on time for the next meeting.” Not only did his statement not embarrass colleagues, but the relationship between the two was closer.
The valuable thing about expressing anger correctly is that you can rebuild your relationship with people. If you are angry, don’t express it, maybe someone will think you are bullying and no principle; if you express your anger, the other party is more willing to establish a deep relationship with you.
When someone is angry, it is easy to treat each other with threats, such as “If you do this again, I will not be polite” “You better be careful with me, I’m not annoying”…though threatening the other Being brave is also fueling the other party. In fact, when we are angry and angry, what we need more is to express our demands. Moreover, at the moment you express, you need to be rational, so that others can see your principles and attitudes.
Express your feelings,
Don’t attack each other
I used to have a colleague who took the materials I prepared separately for the project management meeting to publish several times, but did not mention my contribution throughout the process. At first, I felt that he was a superior, and I gave him support for granted. But this happened again and again, and I felt it necessary to talk to him.
There are two ways of this dialogue. Expressing emotions + commenting on him: “You published my report at the last three project management meetings, but my efforts were not recognized (statement of facts), which disappointed me (expression of emotions), you I just like to grab the credit of others, it is too much (evaluate him).” Express emotions + share expectations: “You published the report I wrote at the last three project management meetings, but my efforts have not received any recognition (state the facts) , Which makes me very disappointed and frustrated (express emotions). I hope that next time I can participate in the publication of the report together, this will be more conducive to directly responding to the problems and follow-up (presenting expectations).”
Comparing these two methods, it is obvious that the second method will bring more positive effects. The first method puts the focus on the other party. If the other party is attacked, they will definitely fight back. If they come and go, the relationship will break. The second way is to state facts, express emotions, and make specific expectations, which is also more acceptable to people.
In order to achieve the goal
People with high EQ can always achieve the unity of knowledge and action, the purpose and behavior are unified, and so is the temper. For example, if you lose your temper and quarrel, causing irreparable consequences, losing your temper is useless. Don’t forget that the purpose of your dissatisfaction is to find a balance in the relationship again. Expressing feelings is not the point, and letting the other person apologize is not the end. Don’t talk endlessly, don’t allow the other party to speak, and don’t give in to others. An opportunity to express anger can also prevent future problems, so in the end, you must put forward your needs to show that the next time you encounter similar things, what you want the other party to do will not cause conflicts. Only by finding a way to repair the relationship can we really achieve our goal and let everyone retain their integrity.