Many people will regard their partner as their enemy when they quarrel, because in their view, if the partner follows themselves, it will reduce many conflicts and avoid many conflicts. In fact, this kind of thinking is very wrong. There are other enemies in the marriage. Their deterrent power cannot be underestimated. Who are they? Let’s get to know them one by one:
Enemy No. 1: Pride. Everyone is proud. Your pride usually requires your partner to act according to your requirements. If conflict occurs, pride usually does not allow you to apologize to your partner. It will make you work hard to win your partner and let the other person speak. “Sorry”.
The marriage mode that pride brings is usually that you regard yourself as a “king” and need a partner to worship you and serve you. If he does well, you will take it for granted. If he makes you dissatisfied, you will be angry, criticized and accused. Pride makes you unable to recognize yourself and the harm to your partner until some marriage crisis occurs and some proud people wake up in pain.
Enemy No. 2: Selfishness. Selfishness is deeply rooted in human nature, and no one can avoid it. Many times, in marriage, we care more about ourselves than our partners. Many people get married not to love, but to possess and claim to satisfy their desire to be loved. For example, a person with low self-esteem because of his appearance may communicate with a person with a beautiful appearance. His original intention may not be to truly love the other person, but to use the other person’s appearance to satisfy his vanity and allow outsiders to see their value.
There are also some people who think that good people will make them feel inferior, so on the surface, they choose to “marry” or “marry”, but in fact, it is for their own security after marriage. The real love is that you already have a lot of love, and then share the love with each other instead of using the other party to meet your needs. In marriage, self-preservation is true, but being too selfish is very destructive.
Enemy No. 3: Improper defense mode. Pride and selfishness are sins of human nature, everyone will have it, but the enemy of No. 3 is the hurt of the relationship, which can be avoided through learning and practice. When a couple is in conflict, they will adopt some improper defense mode to prevent themselves from being injured. For example, his wife criticized her husband for not working at home while watching TV, but the husband felt that his wife did not understand himself, so he began to argue. When the wife saw her husband not only being lazy, but also quibbling, she attacked her husband more angrily. In this vicious circle, no one is the winner.
To break this defensive model, both husband and wife need to grow and try not to let both sides fall into a vicious circle. Therefore, under the premise of mutual understanding and consideration, the wife can say: “Dear, you have a hard day at work, but I am also very busy and tired at home. If you are willing to help clean up the kitchen after the rest, I will be very grateful to you “The husband can also say the other way around: “Actually, I didn’t work so well today, so I was so frustrated. So, let me take a cup of tea and rest, then help you work?” The couple is an ally, your fight The eyes should not be on each other.
Enemy No. 4: Third party. In a broad sense, the third party is not just a rival, it may be a person, it may be a job, a hobby, or even a child and an elder. Generally speaking, when you miss other people more than your partner, basically it is the third party in your marriage. The third party will consume your energy and mental energy, let you care about your partner unintentionally, nurture your marriage unintentionally, you will start to use your partner as a tool. The third party will plant a “time bomb” for marriage.
We must be careful about the appearance of a third party, not just let it happen. When you are too pursuing work achievements, when you find yourself ambiguous with other opposite sex, when you love children more than your partners, when you care more about your parents than your family, you have to reflect and be vigilant: Such an approach will destroy your marriage.
Knowing the above four enemies will help us solve real problems, rather than erroneously pointing the gun at our partner, our ally. I hope everyone can overcome the enemy and win a lasting and happy marriage.