“The pool is muddy and turbid, even the reflection of the wisteria flowers is invisible. The rain has been falling…” On the night of June 13, 1948, I wrote this passage. The Japanese “Rogue Master” Tai Zaizhi and one of his women. The admirers braved the heavy rain and walked to the river, then jumped into the river. The red knots on their waists tied the two together. When it was discovered, it was six days later, and that day was the 39th birthday of Taizai. On his desk in the studio, there are suicide notes, manuscripts, and several diaries of Ota’s quiet son.
Previously, the publication of “Xiangyang” made “Taizai” the culmination, and the young people sought it, which laid the foundation for his Japanese first-line writers. The Taitian Jingzi is the prototype of the protagonist and son of “Xiangyang”.
Let her have a sense of companion
In 1941, the 28-year-old Ota, who entered the bookstore, picked up a book called “Fictional Beggar” by the author. As soon as she opened it, the words that caught her eye suddenly made her shudder: “I use these hands to make Xiaoyuan sink into the bottom of the water.” In a word, it evokes a strong resonance with Jingzi. For more than two years, she still has not left her daughter. The shadow.
After the death of his father, Jing Zi entered the marriage that violated his wishes under the arrangement of his family. She was deeply saddened by the embarrassment of love. Even more painful is that after the daughter was born, she died before it was less than a month. “Because I don’t love my husband, the child will die.” In her sense of self-blame and guilt, she even thought of death. It is impossible to live together. She divorced her husband and returned to her family’s family. The younger brother of Jingzi is a fan of Taizhezhi. Under his recommendation, she came into contact with the work of Taizhezhi and became his admirer.
Jingzi imitated the “monologue” of Tai Zaizhi and began to write “a monologue” for the daughter who died young, as a spiritual sustenance. After the article was written, she sent a letter to Tai Zaizhi asking for guidance. The tone is pious, she respects him as a teacher. A few days later, I wrote back: “Your work has been read. I think you should be talented, but the body does not seem to be very good. Maybe it is not suitable for writing novels. If you are happy, please feel free to play.”
Accompanied by two literary girls, Jing Zi was full of expectation to come to Taizai’s home in Sanying. In the yard, the clothes of the children were basking, and the four suicides that were unsuccessful in the suicide were just settled in the family life.
Quietly thinking about a person
Nothing to mind
Tai Zaizhi said that Jing Zi’s article has the taste of prose poems, suggesting that she use a relaxed mood to record life in a diary without pretending and frankness. In her eyes, Tai Zaizhi, who is wearing a pipe and wearing a kimono, is like a powerful warrior. It is not as decadent and helpless as the works.
Three months later, the Pacific War started. On a rainy day, she suddenly received a telegram with only a few simple words: “Two o’clock, Tokyo Station, Taizai.” After the first meeting, he never missed her. She grew up in a affluent family, and even after experiencing an unfortunate marriage, she still looks innocent. Although he was born into a noble family, he was only uneasy and guilty. He was fostered in a relative’s family and caused his weak, gloomy and sentimental character. Her innocence attracted him, she is “the Miss Mengzi who can only imagine in her dreams.”
Jingzi put on a purple kimono and hurriedly went out. When she arrived at the station, she was already late. When she saw Taizai, who was wearing a cloak, standing at the door of the flower shop, she thought of a gentle gentleman. In the coffee shop, he told her that waiting for her for an hour, staring at the lilac flowers, I wondered if the beautiful woman would come, he even wanted to cry. “From today, you are not alone. I will give you my life.” His words made her flattered.
More contacts have been made. A year later, the home of Jingzi was evacuated to a village called Xia Zeng. The younger brother was enlisted, and the mother was hospitalized. She lived alone. In the letter, she told him about moving. A few days later, he came to see her. In the early morning of the mountain village, the fog dispersed and the sky was blue. They sat together at the pond, on the water, the reflection of trees and crows. He said to himself: “The crows in the trees seem to be very happy. They must be very happy.” When he asked “Jingzi is with me, when I feel the happiest”, she said: “I like it the most.” Now, two people sit quietly together.”
The war is getting hotter and white, and everyone is in danger. After three years, they have not seen each other. In addition to serving the mother, Jing Zi relies on the novel of Tai Zaizhi to kill time. In the novel “Bamboo”, he described two crows flying in the wings, and the scene of sitting still on the pond in the same day appeared in front of the Jingzi.
At the end of 1945, when her mother died and felt lonely, Jing Zi wrote a letter to Tai Zaizhi, telling her loneliness and pain. He quickly sent a telegram to comfort her “no need to worry about life”, he said that he “sneakly thinking about a person” in his heart, “nothing to mind, no scruples, in this nasty, awesome reality I finally found the only resting grassland. I hope that it will be realized for each other.”
Love is a temptation, she has no power to resist, and war makes her more “love and revolution.” In the winter, the mountain life was so unbearable. She began to try to write the memories into the diary without any pretense, as Mr. Tai Zaizhi said. The pen is like a spring, often written late at night.
Soon they met. After three years of neglecting, sitting on a tatami, he can’t wait to say in a serious tone: “For the next novel, I need your diary anyway.” At that time, the war was just over, he wanted to write a “most beautiful.” “The novel” is being distressed by the lack of material. He even promised that the novel will pay her a sum of money.
He is only for the diary, her heart fell into the abyss. Seeing her disappointment, when she left, on the quiet river bank, he stopped and wrapped her in his kimono.
Leave for one second
Never forget a lifetime
Taizaizhi got the diary of Jingzi, starting with the flowers of lavender, and the “Xiangyang” kicked off. What he didn’t expect was that he was born at the same time as “The Sun”, and there were children in the belly of the Jingzi. Knowing that she was pregnant, he calmly said: “With a child, you can’t die with me.” His four suicide experiences, two of which were accompanied by different women.
“What Jingzi does, only after 20 years, when you raise a child alone, can you recognize it in the world.” He seems to be suggesting something about her. He often irritates “can’t write a good novel.” For the excessive worries between him and his wife, he is worried about the eldest son of intellectual disability. Bored and desperate, never far from him.
Jingzi naively believes that “Xiangyang” is created by them together, and Taizai will never disregard her. However, before the child was born, she went to Tokyo to find him, and he had a new admirer around him. Together with “The Sun”, she was put to a full stop.
When he left, he sent her to the station. She ran across the ticket gate and did not look back. That was the last time they met.
After the child was born, Jingzi’s younger brother went to Taizaizhi, and Taizaizhi named the child “the curer”. In the certificate, he wrote: “Taiji Zhizi, this is my love girl, I hope you can grow up healthily.” And said “there are difficulties in money, tell me at any time.” Although he did not come to see his daughter, although the road ahead was difficult, Jingzi was still optimistic.
Seven months later, Tai Zaizhi, who completed the autobiographical novel “The Disqualification of the World,” bid farewell to the world. And Jing Zi alone shoulders the responsibility of raising children. Once she had no worries and no idea about money, she once made a living by selling clothes. In the predicament, she insisted on novel creation.
Life is suffocating, and the still child is still alive and cheerful. On the wall of the hut, there is a picture of Taizai. “Tai Zaizhi is a very great novelist, but one day he and a woman fell into the river and died, so Xiaozhizi must be careful!” Heavy reality was her Transform into a fairy tale and pass it on to the daughter in a bright and relaxed form.
For Jingzi, art is higher than love, and love exists in art. Many years later, the writer’s Ota, who is already a writer, pointed out in his book “Towards the Light: Father Taizai and the Mother Taitian Jingzi” that the story structure, warmth and delicate depiction of “Xiangyang” is 90% from the mother’s diary. “She is Co-authored “The Assistant of the Sun” with Tai Zaizhi.
In 1982, Jing Zi died, and there was a note in the relic. The above is her handwriting: “The man is honest and upright, never covering his true face; in the history of the past and the present, there is very little courage like the other.” He used her. Leave her away. It seems that he is stronger than her, but she embraces everything with kindness, generosity, understanding. She who has the ability to always love, may be the real strong.
Tai Zaizhi, who once laughed at love in his works, fictionalized such a scene in his essay “The Disqualification of the World”: the male lead leaves the Tibetans to get drunk, through the door, seeing the cohabiting girlfriend Jing Zi and the 5-year-old daughter in the room Chasing a little white rabbit to play, listening to them laughing happily, he sighed: “I am so happy, they both, but my bastard is sandwiched between them, messing up their lives. Ah, if The gods can hear my prayers, then I will pray for the gods to give me once, even if it is only the only happiness in my life.”
In the world where he was afraid of life, he also wanted to be so happy, and it was the opportunity that Jing Zi gave him imagination.