I used to be an “idolism” patient

 I am a very heavy person with an “Idol Bag”. Good grades in primary school, introverted personality, not irritating, is a typical good student in the eyes of everyone. Because of this, I also told myself that things that are prohibited by the class rules cannot be done.
  In fact, those classes are early years of discipline, even the teachers have not cared. For example, eating in a class, as long as it is not eaten during class, the teacher is not accounting.
  But at that time, I was particularly concerned about the eyes of others, so I really never ate anything in the class, not even a sugar.
  Until one day of the sixth grade of elementary school, I suddenly wanted to eat sugar, and my pocket had exactly the sugar that my classmates gave me.
  The teacher hasn’t come yet, the class is noisy, everyone is playing in each other, I scanned the circle of classrooms, it feels like this time.
  But I was holding sugar and I was afraid to take it out. I didn’t know what I was afraid of. I was afraid that the teacher was still afraid of my classmates’ eyes. It was a very normal thing. In my eyes, it seemed to be a crime.
  In the end, I still daring to eat, but I was sneaky.
  I put my forehead on the edge of the table, buried my face in the table pocket, slowly took the sugar out of my pocket, carefully peeled it off, then put it in my mouth and chewed it gently.
  When I finished the sugar, I looked up and found a boy in the class who was standing in front of me and looked at me in confusion. When I was opposite him, he snorted and said that you thought you were crying, and buried it under the table for so long.
  My face is red.
  When I was in junior high school, I was still an introverted, heavily burdened person, and seemed to be morbid.
  I went to the class school to see the party at the first day. The classmates handed me a piece of chewing gum. I said thank you and peeled it off.
  However, a piece of chewing gum, I started chewing from the party until the end of the party. Just because I don’t dare to spit it out.
  I am not afraid to eat in front of everyone, but I am afraid to spit out the chewing gum, because I feel that the image is very bad.
  I saw that my classmates naturally spit the gum on the wrapper and wrap it up and throw it away. I can’t do that easy thing. I don’t know how I should spit it out and wrap it up.
  When the party was about to end, the venue had become very dark, the order began to confuse, and the crowd moved. At this moment, I slammed my head down and quickly spit the gum on the wrapper and wrapped it.
  That kind of panic and caution, like a thief.
  I always care about other people’s eyes, I am afraid of others’ eyes, and I am afraid to be the focus.
  When I was in elementary school, I was a standard-bearer. But when I went to the flag, I always felt that there were unscrupulous boys and girls laughing at my legs. So I and the teacher offered to quit, and then I didn’t wear a skirt.
  From elementary school to high school, I am not a good-looking person. There is no such thing as an “idola baggage.” When I grow up, I realize that my cause is not idol burden, but an inferiority that goes deep into the bone marrow.
  I have always been afraid of the crowd and always think that others will notice me. When they look at me, they will laugh at the defects in my body, laugh at my skin, smile, my legs are rough, I am short, and laugh at all the places where I can laugh at me.
  My “timid” has been cut as I grow older.
  Although I am still afraid of the crowd, my experience has made me very clear. No one really looks at me. I really don’t need to care about other people’s eyes.
  You don’t have to act, you can be the most authentic yourself, you don’t need to pretend.
  Just like the first year of high school, I told me at the same table, why do you worry so much, and there is no audience.