Emotion is not a privilege

I have a friend who is a star, a mommy, and a child who is in elementary school. She taught the children to recite five Tang poems. When I went to her house for dinner, she asked her children to give me these Tang poems. The child is not willing, but after all, I have listened to the poem, and I have listened to it. Of course, I appreciate it, mainly to appreciate the outstanding education of the star mummy.

“Well, good-spoken! Baby is the most obedient, mom loves you the most!” The star hugs the child lovingly, and puts the child to watch TV for dinner. I looked at the star and she immediately looked back at me. “Do you want to criticize me for letting the children watch TV while having dinner?” She opened her mouth first. “You said that you love your child very much, but why should you put the obedient in front of love?

If the child is not obedient, you love the same, isn’t it?” Each of us has been used to listening to our parents since we were young. We have already accepted that a so-called good boy is a child; and a child is an obedient child. However, what did my star friend’s child do, and in exchange for obedience? The child is praised and obedient by relying on his reluctance. All the children refused to go to the dentist because they were afraid, because they hated to eat green vegetables because they were disgusted, because they were shy and refused to perform in front of the guests.

If they barely suppressed their fear, disgust and shyness, they hid them. Will be praised and obedient, and is considered a good child. “What are you thinking about with me? Is it not worthy of praise for children to be able to suppress unnecessary feelings and emotions?”

“Being so praised and growing up, in the future, I might feel that all these unpleasant feelings and emotions are shameful and troublesome, and then become an adult who always wants to suppress these emotions.” “In this way, does not mean that her emotional intelligence is very high?” Star Mummy said.

“Are you sure that this is a high emotional intelligence, not a grievance?” When Mom and Dad said to children, “You really irritated me,” they confidently admitted that they had emotions and that they were very emotional. The big man who is so emotional, the next sentence to blame the child is “why is why this child is so disobedient.” The idea of ​​blaming the other party for being disobedient is that “I can have emotions, but you can’t have them.”

This is very mysterious. When the light wave or sound wave encounters blocking, it will be refracted, or it will penetrate. However, when the parents in anger give a strong emotional wave, they ask the child not to refract or allow it to penetrate. Ask the child to “absorb” these emotions from adults. This habit is to express emotions as a display of power. Those who buy something and eat a meal at a restaurant can be angry with the service staff. I am afraid that the meaning of the emotion is misunderstood. Whoever has the right, who can have emotions.