Allow things to be a little bit worse

There is a classic line in Hong Kong drama that is “being a man, the most important happiness”. Why is happiness the most important? Recently, I began to understand, because good mood is very valuable, although it can not be discounted, but in turn, thinking, bad mood, is very expensive. On the New Year’s Eve, my friend was in a low mood. I told me that I bought a coat of several thousand dollars.

I regret it now. I immediately transferred a video that she saw. At Christmas time, a girl was in a bad mood. After picking up the skincare counters in the mall, the police gave the result of compensation of 37,000. You see, being happy and emotionally stable is equivalent to making a fortune, and losing control of your emotions not only makes you lose money, but also loses more.

The girl in the video, dressed in a decent, clean and tidy, but picked up the trial lipstick of the counter, smashed the ipad of the counter, and ignored the staff who advised the former. I thought that the farce would end, and I didn’t expect the situation to intensify.

She cried and swept the bottles and cans on the counter.

After being subdued by the staff, she even wanted to cut her wrist. The onlookers used her as a joke. How would the close people see this scene and how would they treat her? Losing money is small, losing my decent and dignity. If she really cuts her wrist, losing her life can never be recovered.

After the video was put on the Internet, some people pity her, and she felt that she must have been wronged by Tianda. She was either a sister-in-law or a life-frustrated, venting emotion can be understood; others felt that it was indifferent, and that she was responsible for it. Ok, what about others? I really don’t like this seemingly inclusive attitude of the Virgin. It can be tolerated and unreasonable.

It reveals a vague sense of boundaries and unrestricted retreat. Such a bad person can accept it indiscriminately. The greatest unfairness to truly good people. And this kind of tolerance and understanding is because things have not happened to them? Hey, let’s try it at home? They jumped their feet and screamed for the first time. The consequences of emotional out of control are uncontrollable. When there is a language conflict, it is so big that it hurts people. Don’t forget that the reason why the Wuhan Railway Station hacked people was the emotional outburst and the loss of rationality.

In the face of people who are out of control, our attitude should not be pitiful, but a wake-up call to remind ourselves to maintain emotional stability, reduce impulsiveness, and stay away from people who are flammable and explosive. But I know that keeping my mood steady and avoiding getting out of control is not something I can do. I have had my own experience. I am definitely not a bad-tempered person, but when I drive, I will occasionally explode road anger, like a demon. Attached, you can scare yourself when the impulse occurs.

I talked to my friends about this situation and found that everyone has more or less road anger. A friend said that sometimes I really want to hit it directly. Fortunately, reason overcomes impulsiveness, or poverty limits our mobility, but I am rethinking this question, why do we sometimes get out of control? Often because we want to control everything too much, there is an unreasonable belief in the depths of our hearts – we can control everything. The steering wheel is in the hand, it gives me a certain sense of certainty. I have the final say that everyone else should be controlled by me.

The time when the Chongqing bus fell into the river was a good example. When the steering wheel was robbed. Our sense of control is as irritating as it is being robbed. Wu Zhihong’s interpretation of “Thinking that he can control everything” is a kind of omnipotent narcissism. He believes that the world should be transferred by his own will and needs. It is an extreme self-center. In their eyes, foreign objects and others should be controlled by themselves.

Obeying their own will, the omnipotent narcissistic person cannot accept that his needs are not satisfied, and the behavior is not responded. In the video, there was a small detail in the incident at the girl’s counter. At the beginning, she was still calmer, and there was no explosive wrestling. The people around me were far away from the police. I think this is her.

The reason for the complete loss of control. Because even if she started to lick something, no one immediately stopped and dissuaded, but chose to evade, which made her feel that her outbreak had no effect. She did not succeed in manipulating others, so she was more hysterical and more fierce, seems to prove : “I can control them.” Sounds very sick, is it unreasonable? But think about your own real life, there must have been such a moment, the delivery staff is late for your anger, the plane delays your irritability, the friend is not inconsistent with your opinion, and some of this angry irritability and unhappiness are reasonable, but If excessive, irrational impulsive behavior is an embodiment of omnipotent narcissism.

Because in your way of thinking, food delivery and airplanes must be carried out exactly the time you expect, and friends should think about the problem in a way that you understand. When things that don’t meet your wishes happen, it really causes you to feel intense.

It’s not the others and the things themselves, but the narcissism that is deeply rooted in the heart and the irrational beliefs that want to control everything. However, the more control is out of control, when you think you can control all of it, it is to surrender to the world, because there will always be disappointments, and those who are not redundant and flexible actually give the right to self-control. external.

Your emotions are completely dependent on others. It is deeply frustrating for you to delay the delivery of your late flight and the disappointment of your friends. All your energy is in order to achieve omnipotent narcissism, and how can you have extra energy to control yourself?

Solving the omnipotence of narcissism begins with a deep understanding of the limits of oneself, the diversity of others, and the impermanence of the world. This does not change overnight, but at least you have to imprint this in your heart – we can decide Things are limited, but at least we can control ourselves. As for controlling yourself, there are actually ways to share it with you. I call it “allowing things to be a little worse.”

After knowing that I was easy to get angry, I reflected on my mentality, I was too eager to go all the way, and did not accept any vehicles to cut the queue, but I set myself a new expectation standard: from all the way to the halfway congestion, never the vehicle to the queue Allowing ten cars to jump in the queue, then I found that all kinds of conditions were accommodated within the expected range. I felt good all the way. If I didn’t encounter congestion and jump in the queue, I was happier, but I used to take it all the way.

It should not be that this is a small fortune in life. To lower your expectations is to start from the concrete, to turn the absolutely good unreasonable goal into a reasonable goal that allows things to be worse. You are more likely to be happy, easier to calm, and gradually accept that life is impermanent. law. Allowing things to be a little worse is not a relaxation and compromise, but a self-restraint. After all, even if you set the goal to perfection, bad things never happen.