My cousin and cousin have been divorced for almost five years. My cousin does not fall in love and is no longer married. She is concentrating on her daughter’s blossoming body: “Isn’t their family abandoning me to have a daughter? Well, let me see them, I will let my daughter On the 985 and 211 universities, I want to let the flowers blossom and let them regret.” The cousin said this to me more than once. I advise the cousin: I don’t need to rebel, and the cousin of the family is remarried and have children. Do you have to force your daughter to fight for “sighing”? The cousin couldn’t listen in, murmured: Anyway, it has been over for so many years, no matter how difficult it is, this year, you look at the recently broadcasted TV series “Youth Pie”, which one is not for children? The cousin’s past years, we are obvious to all. We don’t want to travel to the restaurant. We don’t buy cosmetics and don’t dress up. All the money is spent on blossoming. From schooling, I didn’t see her having Saturday and Sunday. The beautiful little girl is always wearing a big school uniform and a heavy school bag. The blossoming is very competitive, the score is always the top three in the class, and the little girl is still in the “rocket class”, as the name suggests, this is the focus of the key.
One year is fleeting, the college entrance examination is over, the total score is 639 points. It is no problem to go to a good university, but the blossoming is sick, not willing to go out, insomnia, can’t eat, everyone cheers and praises her. And the pride of the elders revolves around her, but no one knows her inner struggles and sufferings.
The cousin cried and called me: it was depressing.
I suddenly thought of a word: Snow falling in one’s life, we can’t see it all. I also suddenly thought of another story of a child with depression: the protagonist is a 7-year-old girl. In the family tragedy, after the mother passed away, the sensible and cheerful girl and her father lived together. Dad has a hard time taking the big girl, going out early and returning home every day, busy with work, is for the school where the child can read better. The good times didn’t last long, the girl suddenly became very courageous, and was often awakened by nightmares at night. But because of the hard work during the day, my father went to sleep and went to sleep, and did not care about the girl’s abnormality.
Girls become more and more serious, often crying at home, do not want to go to class, let alone go to work. Seeing that work time is up, my father is angry and ruined, thinking that the girl does not want to learn and skip classes. So, while playing her while teaching: “Why are you so embarrassed? I am so hard to make money every day for your study, why can’t you understand Dad?” Until five years later, the girl committed suicide. Dad finally understood from the child’s diary that the reason why the daughter did not want to go to school was that she was repeatedly jealous by the teacher. Dad squatted on the floor and cried hysterically…
Because young children can’t describe the behavior of teachers and animals to their parents, and Dad has no patience, and does not know how to communicate with children. He simply accuses him of fighting and makes his children more helpless and embarrassing, which eventually leads to a tragedy.
The essence of education is actually the process of establishing a connection with the child’s heart, and it is the transmission of positive energy. They may be mischievous, and they may suddenly be silent and panic. But no matter what, the child needs to perceive the most sincere care and care in our heart, and we need to be able to perceive the softest fear and anxiety in her heart.
There is a noun in psychology called “Iceberg Theory.” It means that our children are like an iceberg, and the behavior they see is only superficial, and the richer emotions and thoughts are hidden in the inner world. Just like the huge iceberg under the sea, you can’t see it, but you need to explore it patiently.
The Chinese child suicide report shows that the suicide rate of Chinese children is the highest in the world. What is the reason for these children who have just started to choose to end their lives? If a child has major depression, he is seven times more likely to try to commit suicide than other children. You think that depression is just the pain of an adult, far from the child. In fact, it has spread unconsciously into the child’s life like a cold. According to statistics, about 30 million children under the age of 17 in China are suffering from various emotional disorders and psychological problems. Once it is not promptly channeled and treated, it develops into moderate or severe depression, which leads to suicidal tendencies. The suicide rate in depression is as high as 15%, and it has become the second leading cause of death among adolescents. The shocking numbers are not alarmist, but tell us the fact that the most important parents in the process of growing up are inadvertently letting go of the “depression” murderer and killing their children.
On the other hand, the child’s depression may be forced out. Many parents envy the children who have scored the perfect scores of others, but they never thought about the inner suffering of the child who is obedient and optimistic. He may be under the pressure of his own unbearable pressure, bear the expectations of parents and teachers, and dare not slack off in competition with his peers. Many times, when the child says “Don’t want to learn”, the mother will only say “keep it again” instead of asking him why he doesn’t want to learn, is too tired, or does not like it.
A depressed patient said before his death: “The world is very good, I am not good enough.” “No one has absolute immunity to depression.” The famous psychologist Martin Selyman called depression a psychiatry. The “cold” in the middle. Anyone can get depression, which is a normal physical and mental illness. If your child says that he is depressed, the first thing to do is not to blame or doubt, but to understand the cause of illness and seek positive and correct treatment.
In addition to the reasons for learning stress, more is the impact of parents and family living environment on children. Many children will have some different behaviors in the early stages of depression. For example, they may say that “life is boring,” “nothing is a fun thing,” “dead is dead,” and so on. When parents do not find out the early childhood depression performance and further development, there will always be no reason to cry, insomnia, excessive anxiety, start lying and refuse to eat, making the treatment of depression more difficult.
Prevent children from depression, parents can do this
Communicate more with your child
During the period when parents and children get along, many problems are actually in communication. In communication, parents are more likely to look at the problem from the perspective of adults. They always feel that their children are still young, do not understand anything, do not consider their feelings, and make decisions that they think are correct. When communicating, you should consider your child’s feelings from the perspective of your child. Caring for children, we must also care more about the child’s inner world. As parents, always caring for children is what it is. But most parents care about whether their children are full and warm, whether they are sick, etc., and ignore the emotional feelings. Parents should know more about their inner world so that they don’t feel lonely. In the child’s world, parents are the closest people to themselves. If parents don’t care about their emotions, they will naturally be disappointed.
Maintain a relationship between husband and wife
Many families, husband and wife may have financial pressure, work pressure and various relationships with relatives, plus the temper of both husband and wife is not good, there will be quarrels, often “two days a little noisy, three days a There is a big fight, and some even do it directly.
On the one hand, it hurts both husband and wife, on the other hand, it also hurts the child invisibly, leaving a shadow in the child’s heart. Try to create a relationship between husband and wife and create a good family environment for the growth of children.
Give your child a little more praise
In the course of our growth, there is always a “children of other people’s families.” Almost all parents like to compare their children with other children’s children. “You look at the children of XX, mathematics is so good, you should learn more from others.” “You see XX children so obedient, how are you so naughty? “…I want to supervise my child, and I hurt my child unconsciously.” Many children with depression and autism are because their parents are not sure. Give your child a little praise and affirmation. When the child gets some results, give the child praise and make the child more confident. Especially when some things are not doing well, such as poor performance, give the child some encouragement, reduce inner anxiety and self-blame.
For children with depression, in addition to regular psychotherapy and medication, family therapy has an indispensable power. When a child’s mood is low, irritating, diminished, difficult to concentrate, decreased interest, and altered appetite for more than two weeks, parents will have to look at the early warning mode. When the child says this, she may be asking for help. We can do this: be good at listening. When the child expresses depression to you, ask “Tell me what the feeling is like?” instead of “Impossible, you are still so small.”
Quietly accompanying. Parents’ disapproval will aggravate the child’s fear. When the child is under heavy academic pressure and poor interpersonal relationship, they will not give expectation, do not force them to do things, maintain a normal heart, and let the children feel companionship.
Express love, not blame. The brains of people with depression lack vitality factors, and emotions are difficult to control by themselves. At this time, do not increase their mental burden.
Active treatment. When the child volunteers to see a doctor, he should be thankful and gratified, because this is a precursor to recovery.
When an avalanche, no snowflake is innocent. A child with depression is definitely not his own problem, but the whole family is sick. Depression should end in the hands of our generation. If you know more, you will get more healing.