“My child’s children are in the third grade of elementary school. They are particularly self-willed. They are quite arrogant in school and at home. They can’t listen to other people’s opinions. At first, I still think he is very assertive, but sometimes I feel that he is very stubborn. Grumpy, easy to get angry, often crying. As a parent is really distressed, often feel that there is nothing to do with the child, do not know what to do. Is my child a paranoid personality that everyone often says?”
There are a lot of parents like Xiao Zhuang who have such concerns. Professor Lin Lianghua of the Department of Psychology of Zhejiang University of Technology gave explanations and explanations on the characteristics and causes of paranoid personality. Parents can get a preliminary understanding of whether their child has a sign of paranoid personality, and don’t label children at will.
The word paranoia is derived from Greek and means extreme. Paranoid people are clearly separated from reality in their thinking and behavior, and they are convinced that it is difficult to persuade education and life experience to change or correct. Children with paranoid personality traits will be disobedient to teachers and parents, and it is difficult to discipline them. Professor Lin said that paranoid children have some common characteristics, parents can check to see if their children are “small paranoia.”
● Sensitive and suspicious, often misunderstands other people’s unintentional or even friendly behavior, harboring hostility or contempt, or expecting to suffer harm and destruction.
● There is a concept of preemption, which interprets surrounding events as having some kind of “conspiracy”, often expressed as the kindness of doubting friends or classmates.
● Stubbornness has been seen, and it is often believed that only oneself is the most correct. I can’t listen to different opinions and don’t believe the negative evidence.
● It is easy to remember, not tolerate and blame others for the reasons for setbacks and failures.
● Extremely self-confident, self-confident, self-respecting: self-esteem unreasonably, often feels contemptuous, and immediately reported malicious and counterattack.
● Subjective and strong learning ability, but often argue with others, stubborn opinions, do not believe in others, it is difficult to change their understanding and ideas by fact or reason.
Why do children become “small paranoia”?
Professor Lin said that the cause of paranoia formation is mainly influenced by genetic and environmental factors, especially environmental factors are the most important factors affecting the formation of children’s personality. The formation of paranoid personality has a lot to do with the living environment of childhood. It may be that parents are too spoiled by their children, making their children arbitrarily arbitrary, or their parents’ demands on their children are too strict, so that children are at a loss, and slowly develop to form a paranoid character.
Some parents have adopted unscientific methods of education. For example, blind pursuit of high scores has placed too high demands on children with intellectual skills. When the child can’t reach it, don’t pay attention to communicate with the child, often scold the child, or add the sticks. Under this kind of family education, the child loses self-confidence and self-motivation. Instead, he is hostile to others. He stubbornly believes that all people are not good to themselves. Others have bad intentions and are thinking of “breaking the cans and breaking”. Under the influence, a paranoid mentality is formed.
In addition, the uncivilized atmosphere in the family, such as family members are hostile to each other, often making big noises and so on. The stubborn attitude of parents, the bad atmosphere of the school, and the bad character of teachers may make students paranoid.
Professor Lin said that today’s children face great competitive pressures in school, and adverse reactions to frustration or improper defense methods may also lead to paranoia.
Happy companionship away from “small paranoia”
Parental family education and family edification are indispensable during the child’s growth. How to better educate children and let their children grow up in a healthy, happy, natural and natural environment? How to keep children away from personality paranoia and grow up happily? The famous psychologist Li Zixun said that in fact, children do not need perfect mothers, happy mothers can better cultivate healthy children. Children’s psychological development has different characteristics in different periods. According to children’s different psychological characteristics, parents should have different educational focuses, but companionship is the most important point to establish a good parent-child relationship with children and help them form a healthy psychological state. How to keep children away from “small paranoia”, famous psychologist Li Zixun made very good suggestions for parents. Before 2 years old: intimacy is the most important
Before the age of 2, it is a crucial period for the formation of children’s personality. They have strong emotional attachment to parents, emotional sensitivity is very sensitive, and emotional management is relatively easy. Parents and children should establish stable intimacy and trust relationships, such as accompanying children to play, and Children live together, let the children sleep with themselves at night, etc., which plays a decisive role in maintaining the emotional relationship between the child and the parents. When this intimate relationship is formed, a good communication foundation will be formed between parents and children.
If parents can’t take their children and find a child’s “important others”, such as grandmother, or aunt, the establishment of intimate relationships is very beneficial to the development and management of the child’s future mood. It is worth noting that the “important others” of the child cannot be changed frequently. Frequently changing the “important others” in the intimate relationship will cause the child to have anxiety and distrust, and not to establish a good intimate relationship.
2 to 6 years old: close to nature, establish awareness
The psychological characteristics of children aged 2 to 6 years old are the lack of perspectives, the lack of understanding of the relationship between the whole and the part, the generalized consciousness, and the inanimate things are often recognized as having life, such as seeing nature. Flowers, the sun, the moon, etc., children will think that they are as human as human beings,
Therefore, for children at this stage, parents try not to use words to educate their children, but to let the children feel the world with their eyes and with their hearts. For example, the understanding of “Apple”, when the child does not speak, does not use words to express, the “apple” in his mind is an image of a vivid apple, but when the word “apple” enters When he was in his mind, what he remembered was the language, not the image memory. Because the language system is the easiest to master, and the simplest way to express the world. When the child learns to express in words and language, he will naturally develop the left brain of logical thinking, while the right brain of the image thinking is no longer developed, and all the imagination of the child becomes a simple language, the right brain. The development has been stifled. Children’s perception of color and sound is much stronger than that of adults. They can distinguish the subtle differences in color. They are also yellow, and children can distinguish different yellows. But when the word “yellow” entered his mind, he began to learn to classify, but the ability to perceive and distinguish color is gone. This is the violation of the development of the right brain by the speech system.
Therefore, before the age of 6, the child should focus on developing the right brain, so that his keen perception can be maintained until adulthood, and the development of rational thinking should be after the age of 7. However, many of our parents now force the logical thinking of 1+1=2 to be added to the children and let them recognize many words. In fact, we use adult thinking to hinder the child’s original development.
The easiest way is to let the child touch nature, instead of letting him read and read too early. Try to communicate with your child in a way that is shaped, painted, and imagined. Don’t force your child to be “smart” too early.
Before the age of 10: Allow children to make mistakes
The children at this stage have the logical thinking ability that depends on the specific content. At the same time, the children go to the school and start to contact the society. At this stage, the children have an important psychological task, that is, socialization, socialization, the children will be socially recognized. Insufficient, competition is frustrated and shyness is generated. A crisis of confidence. Parents of this stage of the child began to pay attention to academic performance. However, at this stage of the child is also the release of nature, parents should allow the child to make mistakes, while helping the child to find and find their own advantages.
The creation of energy requires emotion. For example, some children are very naughty, teachers will criticize, parents will worry. In fact, we have assumed in the subconscious that these children are problematic, but in the long run, are there really people with complete personality? No. On the contrary, many accomplished people are also paranoid and grumpy. Therefore, we should allow children to make mistakes that can be made at this stage, rather than using adult ideas and thinking systems to analyze him. Once we analyze it, we will see the problem. When we feel that this is a problem, it will form an internal concern. It is more and more felt that this is a problem, and the child is more and more released.
For example, if the child is not good at learning, the parents can circumvent this and say, “Baby, I found that you have studied hard recently!” When you say this, you are reminding him to make him agree with this point of view. His behavior has changed.
If parents rarely say the child’s merits and often criticize the child, it will cause the child to not know what advantages he has, and the shortcomings are always reminded, and the disadvantages are more and more. 10 to 14 years old: unconditionally identify the child
Children at this stage already have strong abstract logical thinking skills. They are sensitive and have strong self-identification needs. Parents are very likely to form established concepts. Children with good grades are good children. Suppose we look at the child from this point of view, then we will continue to see the child’s problems, and at the same time construct a judgment system: children with poor grades have no interest.
But children at this stage need the encouragement, praise, and acceptance of their parents. If we can accept children unconditionally, the establishment of good communication is more effective. Every child is different. We have no way to make our children the same as other children, because every successful case is not reproducible. Each child has his own unique development method. Who can guarantee the admission to Tsinghua University? Children must be worried about their future? Who can say that children who have poor grades will not achieve success in the future? Look at Bill Gates, his highest education is high school, however, who can deny that he is successful?
So parents don’t have to worry about finding a child. Maybe he doesn’t like to study, but he is focusing on what he really cares about. At this time, don’t blame him, but let him develop the best in his interest, so that everyone can look at him. Once the child is recognized by the school and his peers, it is very easy for him to develop other aspects. If you force him to give up what he is interested in, force him to study hard, and he can’t get everyone’s approval in his study, his genius will be erased by the parents.
Therefore, parents should treat their children in a way that is full of identity and let him grow in their own unique way, instead of forcing the children to accept the mainstream views. If you do this, it is a gospel for your child.
14 to 18 years old: building a democratic family and successfully passing through adolescence
Adolescence is the most time for parents to have a headache. The child began to call on the parents; began to have a small “boyfriend”, “girlfriend”: began to irritate her mother, sneered at her father’s opinion. At this time, the parents are on the verge of enemies, and it seems that they are ready to compete with their children.
The contest of adolescence is the contest between children and parents for “discourse power” and competition for family “authority”, and it is not difficult to find that the younger children are more rebellious in adolescence. Why is this happening? Because the parents used to talk to the children with the authority of adults, educating the children with the culture of adults, the child’s original age traits and the views he touched were severely divided. When he began to have his own independent thinking, his more splitting sensation, the more rebellious his puberty. Professor Lin said that people will experience a rebellious adolescence in this life. If a certain stage is suppressed, they will experience a rebellious period at a certain stage of their lives.
Children living in a democratic family do not have obvious adolescent rebellious behavior because he does not need to challenge authority. Parents’ education is open-minded and democratic. They do not blindly oppose the child’s views and behaviors. Instead, they look at children in an open and tolerant manner. Children never need to fight against their parents because there is no such thing as “authority.” “. In fact, the family should be a place to “speak” rather than “reasonable.”
Children’s education is a very systematic project, and parents who can accompany their children to grow up are undoubtedly successful parents. Only by continuously growing up, parents can establish a harmonious parent-child relationship in the process of “re-growth” and cultivate mentally healthy children.